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4 Questions to Ask Before You Say quotI Doquot
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"How do you know when you've met the right one?"
Almost everyone asks this question at some point in their lives;
unfortunately, there are not too many who get a concrete answer.
But if you're reading this article, then you're one of the lucky
few. Interestingly, the criteria for choosing a spouse can be
boiled down to just four characteristics. If you can find
somebody with all four then it's highly likely that you've found
your life partner.
1) What is This Person's Core Values?
Before you decide to marry someone, make sure that they are
fully committed to some kind of objective moral and ethical
standard. Whether we realize it or not, everyone has some kind
of core value that is central to their personality. And when
push comes to shove, that value is going to be the most
important thing in the world to that person.
For example: Jerry's core value is adventure. When Jerry starts
to date Diana, he happens to be volunteering at the local
Emergency Room. He goes there every night, holds people's hands,
calms them down. And Diana's thinking to herself that Jerry must
have a heart of gold if this is how he's spending his spare
time.
Now, Jerry might really have a heart of gold. But he's
volunteering because of his love for adventure. The ER is filled
with action, it's exciting. So right now, Jerry's
adventurousness happens to be expressing itself in a kind way.
But that could change. Jerry might stop volunteering, and start
trying other adventures that Diana may find unpleasant,
dangerous, or even unethical.
However, if Jerry's core value is a commitment to goodness and
caring, then everything he does will rotate around that,
including his marriage. And Diana will be a very lucky woman if
she marries him.
So how do you get to know the true Jerry? Surprisingly, it's not
that difficult. No matter what a person's core value is, you
will see him or her sacrificing for it on a daily basis. If
Jerry's core value is adventure, then he might risk an accident
in order to speed through an intersection or arrive late at work
because he followed a police chase.
If Diana follows him carefully, she'll see that he places
adventure above other important things on his list of
priorities. But if Jerry's core value is goodness, then Diana
will see him give up on certain things in order to be kind. If
the waiter mixes up his order, he'll say thank you and eat the
dish anyway. He'll let the other guy cross the intersection
first, or he might be late to work because he drove a little old
lady home with her groceries. If Diana follows him carefully,
then she'll see him let go of some of his own desires in order
to take care of other people.
So look for someone who is committed at the core to a higher set
of values that you can appreciate.
2) Does This Person Treat Others Well?
Number two is obvious: You want to marry someone who is going to
take care of you and treat you well. How to figure it out?
Simple. Spend time with this person, and pay attention to how
they treat others whom they don't necessarily care about because
they're not trying to charm them. Do they thank the attendant
who pumped gas for them? Are they courteous to people at
checkout counters? Do they curse out people who don't deliver on
time, like telephone operators or overworked waitresses? Do they
tend to drive aggressively, as if there's no one else on the
road?
Ask yourself questions like these and take note of the answers -
because they reflect characteristics that will come out down the
line. Most people don't guard themselves so carefully that
they'll hide how they treat others. So watch them, and you'll
know how they're going to treat you after you're married.
3) Do We Communicate Well With Each Other?
In other words, make sure that you understand each other. This
may seem obvious, but it's not. Sometimes you can see a couple
in a fight and they argue for an hour, two hours, maybe even
overnight. And then, at the end of round 16, it turns out that
the whole thing was just a misunderstanding: "Oh, I thought you
meant that...That's not what you meant? Oh, then we agree."
Although on an occasional basis this can happen to anyone, if
it's happening constantly then it's not a good sign because that
may not change. If you're constantly misunderstanding each
other, then you might want to put this relationship on hold for
a while.
4) Are We Physically Attracted to Each Other?
Physical attraction is an essential part of marriage. You cannot
marry someone if you aren't physically attracted to them. And
while men arrive at this conclusion somewhat quickly, women
should give themselves some more time. Very often, a woman may
not feel attracted to a man initially, but after she gets to
know him she finds him much more attractive than before. A word
of caution: Although physical attraction is essential, you can't
base a marriage on physicality. Whatever is going on physically
is meant to be an expression of something deep that is happening
on the emotional and spiritual level. The rule is - make sure
that physical attraction is there, but don't get swept away by
it. The other three characteristics are just as important, if
not more so.
So there you have it. The next time you date someone, put what
you've learned here into practice. It'll save you a lot of time
and heartache, and you might find yourself walking down the
aisle faster than you think.
About the author:
David LeVine is the director of Warm Wisdom Press, where he
works on meaningful projects that try to bring more happiness
into the world. http://www.warmwisdompress.com/dating
Author:David LeVine
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Author:David LeVine
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